Being Heard and Being Understood

A while ago, the students’ commented on their challenges with teamwork, and I roughly categorized the comments into five top challenges. One of the top five is being unheard. At the time, I didn’t dive into this group of comments even though I also have my own share of this problem. Rather, I was working on human connection, which you can understand as being the major category where the the smaller categories–being accepted, nourished, seen, heard, appreciated, supported, nurtured, etc.–fall under.

So I spent years on this major theme of human connection, and now gradually getting down to the smaller details, and find even though someone tried to connect with me, to understand or appreciate me, they don’t really get the points of what I mean, or at least, not deep enough. When we make contact with someone, there should be a transfer, and in this contact and transfer, there are qualitative differences. Some contact is very firm, broad, and penetrating; some may be fleeting, narrow, and light. The transfer may be long or short, deep or shallow, fast or slow, etc., as the content of the transfer comes from the person’s intention, attention, emotions, thoughts, feelings, state of being, and mood.

There are two levels to a human connection: (1) the actual connection or touch pathway between both parties, (2) the overall ambience or energy field in which the relationship exists. The latter is about the vantage point and role that the person assumes when he enters into that relationship/interaction. 

What I was healing yesterday was the part where I felt unseen, even when the other person has seen me. More specifically, it’s when someone had listened to you or reviewed what you have done, and liked it or had a good impression of it, but could not quite say what it was that they liked or even remembered what it was that they had heard or seen, as if it was forgettable, yet they only remembered that they had a good feeling about it. So there was appreciation, but no seeing.

I approached my healing from two different angles.  First, when I put my attention on this problem, I immediately got the image and feeling of the molecular activities within the connection pathway. Second, I asked the question “What’s the difference between being heard and being understood?“

First, I noticed that there were energies of pushing the incoming connection, while the person was trying to connect with me. More precisely, it’s a deflection of contact and attention at the emotional level. The push itself was constant, could not be switched off. The force behind this push was the accumulation of despondency energy. Surprisingly, this energy was hot, not cold, and when I opened it up, I noticed that it was hot because of the suppressed wailing and screaming.

You can understand each of the sentence above as being a layer, with its own thickness and vibrational frequency, and they collective stack up one over another to form the overall compacted energy of deflection. You can also understand the layers as different dimensions.

Second, I didn’t know why I had this question popping up in my head, but normally, when I use intuition and perception to guide me with my healing, I need to throw out an intention or question in order to be led toward that direction. So this question was what I needed to continue on with my healing, because I didn’t know the difference although intuitively I could feel the difference. And you need to feel it in order to get it.

So the answer that came to me was, being heard is like a gentle embrace of who I am with acceptance, and everything I say or do is seen and noticed. It’s when someone paid attention to you, consciously registered what you say or do, cared about you.

This is important for me to know and feel, because I have been in professional setting where several people sat together and sometimes I felt unheard, as if I didn’t have a voice. It’s not the same as not being understood, that I didn’t struggle with that much, but I felt as if they didn’t see me as a person but more so as a tool to get their project done. This is the difference between being and doing. If you focus on the being, you will connect to the humanness of another person, but if you focus on the doing, you will connect to the competence and performance of that person.

When I tuned in to get the definition of being understood, there’s no nourishment, it’s just a straight-line connector between individuals with the function of aligning thoughts, and from there there would be aligned actions. So this type of connection is good for hierarchical constellation where the information can cascade downward or sideways, passing through the individuals. When I channeled this definition and explanation, it’s actually more complicated than I had expected, because I was guided through the process of how a piece of information or a message is being transferred from one person’s consciousness to the next, so what I got was that there was the energy of that message and also the energy of understanding, these two separate energies bound together, but it’s not like my understanding energy is transferred to you, rather, it’s like I use my wheel barrel to carry the load that I want to transfer to you and offload it at your cognitive center, and you use your wheel barrel to receive the load. But if I dump the load at your cognitive center but you didn’t use your wheel barrel to receive it, and just let it lay on the ground, then you basically didn’t register my message, which in other words means that you didn’t understand me.

Now, after I had been guided to receive this foundational knowledge of how understanding works, I had the requisite knowledge to do more in-depth healing on understanding. People with understanding issues tend to have blocks to their cognitive function so they don’t receive or process the message.

I used my sense of thought to scan for imbalanced energies at my cognitive center, and they’re mostly in the form of beliefs, biases, preferences, prejudices, etc. that skew my perception and therefore block out certain information. The underlying cause of these imbalanced energies is core value, as in, some thoughts have value, some don’t. More specifically, some thoughts are being socially valued or respected or appreciated, and those are the ones that I would receive and register. This selection criteria is imprinted by family. There is another imprint that my intellectual capacity must be highly developed in order to be safe. Meaning, my core self risked being despised, judged, condemned, or humiliated publicly. This imprint creates a defensiveness in my intellectual capacity. The filtration process takes in information that are esoteric, unusual, extraordinary, etc., basically at a higher octave than the average collective consciousness. My perception is also tuned toward information that requires the use of higher cognitive abilities. The quality of this inflow of information is not a natural or comfortable dripping in or osmosis, instead it’s a forceful pull like I need to strain my brain to comprehend the information. This underlying force is the need to be better than others, and this again is caused by the imbalanced energies relating to my core value.

. . .

After the above healing yesterday, now I move on to other healings on this topic. I need to feel understand and being understood, in a nourishing and relaxing atmosphere, with warmth and acceptance.