Expression and Creativity Blocked By One-sided Relationships

Yesterday I identified, witnessed, and cleared some imbalanced energies in the parallel universe relating to a pattern of one-sided relationships where the other side was free to exteriorize and free from fault, blame, punishment, while I was treated and expected to be the exact opposite where I could not freely express myself while at the same time I was the one to be blamed and punished if anything went wrong in the relationship and I could not retaliate nor defend myself from the injustice or else I would be meted out with even harsher punishment. This relationship pattern also means that I had to take on the role of being the toxic emotional receptacle of the constellation or relationship, as I was forced to swallow others’ negative emotions, and I had no outlet for my emotions but to keep on accumulating and condensing them within me.

I didn’t lock in on any individual past life as this was a general pattern existing in many lifetimes, hence the view and focus were slightly different, honing in only on this pattern to pull out the related emotions, thoughts, ambience, behaviors, etc.

The depth of my scan was also different this time, as I was able to go behind all the energies of that pattern to see something more primordial, almost like a prior step or level or a prerequisite–female slavery.

Then the scan became a revelation or insight into my soul’s evolutionary journey, soul’s growth and expansion of consciousness, as it graduated from the underlying key lesson of survival under domination and moved on to a relatively free living condition with the same energy of female slavery as its undertone.

. . .

Today, I continued along the same route, to clear imbalanced energies relating to imbalanced relationships that block my creativity. More precisely, one-sided relationships in which I had to revolve around someone else’s axis, and that person would disapprove and disallow me to create what I want, instead, they would require me to create what they want.

Some of the past lives from yesterday’s group of past lives have this problem, so I continued my scan on this subset of past lives. Scanning the emotions and thoughts is a basic and natural procedure for me, but today I paid particular attention to the ambience that resulted in me operating within these limitations.

After observing and perceiving the ambience for a while, I moved on to a different perspective of seeing my soul would evolving from its base chakra’s lesson of lack to the second chakra’s lesson of creativity, while still continuing to experience the limitation from the first chakra. And then I recalled my teacher mentioned that the lessons from the lower chakras keep moving up to higher chakras, as if they form a base note or undertone that is not immediately perceivable but are nonetheless there in the background of your existence. Now I understand what she meant!

Then I tried to make a parallel between those energies and my current life physical health symptom, to understand the root cause of my symptom, and surprisingly, what I learned was what I already read from a book back in 2020 by Christiane Northrup (page 100). I didn’t understand it then. It just gave me the conclusion, like saying the smartphone is the result of technological advancement, while what I went through yesterday and today was a witnessing of the process from cause to symptom. And the gap between the years leading up to my witnessing was the acquisition of knowledge and development of abilities to allow me to witness at this level.

Furthermore, I moved to the soul lesson to understand why I needed this health problem. I am to learn that when life’s energy of creativity and expansion cannot flow out, life energy contracts.

In the process of Today’s Vipassana, I thought of the movie Landscape of the Invisible Hand that I watched last night. I almost never watch science fiction, but last night I did, without hesitation. And now I can see that there were a lot of imbalanced energies from that movie that correlated with my healing yesterday and today. For example, there was a scene where the protagonist’s artwork was edited, and the edits infuriated him (and me too) so much so that he had to cease his lucrative employment contract, which essentially is the energy and lesson of the first chakra influencing or inhibiting the energy of the second chakra.

The theme about doing what you love, instead of what others demand of you, and being appreciated and remunerated, is basically what I have been trying to heal lately, and it is well summarized by this movie.